Just the other day, I was interviewed by a magazine about holiday stress. It happens every year. I get asked what advice I can give about difficult relatives, demanding children, high expectations and a whole host of situations which would take at least a page to describe.
I wonder when what is supposed to be a time of joy and good cheer began to resemble preparations for an alien invasion. When I was a kid, the approaching holidays were discussed with enthusiasm and delight. I think the reason for all the glee was because eating was always a big focus of any gathering. So when the opportunity arose to really get into banquet-style eating, my grandparents were almost beside themselves with delight. Because they were the head honchos for any big event, we let them create the menu and we helped deliver the groceries and got into the kitchen with them as their assistant chefs. There really wasn’t much discussion about who was going to do what, because if you didn’t listen to them, they would exclude you from the next gathering. No one wanted to be put on that list; trust me. Everyone was told of your indiscretion and you had to practically get on your hands and knees and beg for mercy before they let you come back.
No one ever really got too nuts over bizarre relatives, because they often became a source of amusement. Sicilian humor is often based on sarcasm and an ability to see someone’s irrational behavior as great fodder for laughter. They even give people nicknames that reflect their oddities. Holidays were looked at as great opportunities to see what the oddballs were up to. No one seemed to care if there were emotional outbreaks. In fact, histrionics were often part of the meal. I have often chuckled at how many family dinners ended up feeling like a trip to the opera. The difference between then and now is that no one ever prepared themselves to get stressed over the holidays, because they were just doing what they always did; there were just more people than usual coming over.
Our culture has become one in which every little thing is blown out of proportion and made stressful, so holidays become just a bigger version of what happens every day. Why don’t we all get a grip? Thanksgiving is a wonderful opportunity to give thanks, no matter who is around. Individuals who are crabby or arrogant can be viewed with compassion or humor. If you want help, delegate; don’t make yourself the martyr. No one is interested. Get them all to pitch in.
The one thing I recommend that really makes a difference is to have everyone at the table express one thing he or she is grateful for. It will help you and your family create the good memories we all deserve.