Disease to Please

Let’s get right to it. Do you have the disease to please? Getting a diagnosis is as easy as answering the following 4 questions:

  • Do you say yes when you really want to say no?
  • Do you apologize often? When you are actually not sorry? When you are angry as a way to diffuse and/or end an argument?
  • Do you avoid confrontation at all costs?
  • Do you put everyone else’s needs above your own?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you, my dear, have the disease to please.

A simple mindfulness exercise can be just the prescription!

For the next 48 hours, write down every time you commit any of the above actions. What was the scenario? Why did you respond the way you did? This requires you to not only be very aware of your words and actions but honest about your intentions. If you got into an argument, what was it about, and were you truly sorry for your behavior or did you just want to end the conflict? Did someone ask a favor, what was it, and did you agree to do it because you genuinely wanted to or because you feel guilty saying no?

Are you discovering a pattern to your behavior? Can you use this awareness to slowly make changes from fear based and approval oriented reactions to a more authentic response?

When you do a deed out of guilt or avoid confronting a situation even though it needs to be addressed, you are being inauthentic (AKA dishonest). These qualities cannot exist in truly loving relationships. How can anyone authentically love you if they do not authentically know you?

And you definitely deserve to be authentically loved ❤.

I would love to hear your thoughts, answer your questions, know if this blog resonates with you, and what the experiment produces.
Have an honestly great week and, as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love

Terri Cole is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of The Real Love Revolution & Boundary Bootcamp.

For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world's most well-known personalities from international pop stars, athletes, TV personalities to thought-leaders and Fortune 500 CEOs.

She empowers over one hundred thousand women weekly through her platform and online community.

Terri’s strategies combine practical psychology, eastern mindfulness practices plus harnessing the power of intention to create positive, sustainable change i.e. true transformation.

She has been featured as an expert therapist and master life coach on A&E's Monster In-Laws, TED X, The Lisa Oz Show, Real Housewives among many others.