I received this email from my client, and what came out in response was an outpouring of my deepest desire for all women and men who have ever struggled with the issue of weight and body image. If you’ve ever struggled with this, or know someone who has, this is for you.
So I thought of something else that we didn’t talk about today that I would love your feedback on.
I spent a lot of my life as a skinny, pretty, attractive female.
It’s hard to not be that after you have been. And I want it back. And I get that it’s superficial. But I want to be honest about my goals. I want a better relationship with food, but I miss being attractive in that way. I won’t ever stop missing that, and that’s where a chunk of my unhappiness comes from.
First of all, I want to say that I truly know how you feel. My heart understands you and ALL my fellow men/women who have ever felt this way about their bodies and their health. It breaks my heart, but this is why I do what I do. My mission is to help individuals, like yourself, truly attain balance and finally feel wonderful in their own skin.
Imagine what you could do if your life was no longer consumed with what to eat, how much you weigh, or how you look in pictures or mirrors? How might you use that energy to heal the world? Now, more than ever, it needs your attention.
I recall you mentioned doing competitive cheerleading in high school. I grew up doing musical theatre, majored in it, and the need to be “skinny” onstage was deeply embedded in my psyche. It caused me a lot of grief.
I’ll never forget when my agents told me I needed to be 100 lbs to be considered for TV/film roles. Yet even when I was at my lowest weight, and probably in the best shape of my life from running, dancing, and working out, it never felt good enough. And as a result, I would soon gain weight back from lack of self worth and the behavioral choices that followed.
Your desires are not superficial; they are totally normal. You are not the first to desire being back to the weight/look you were at an earlier stage of your life. I’ve felt that same way before, and many of my clients have shared the same desire with me.
What I would help you do from the start is to shift the perspective around your goals so that you attain what you truly desire. The desire to be skinny and attractive are actually a deeper desire to feel fantastic about your body, comfortable in your own skin, and at peace with yourself. That desire IS attainable, and will give you what you deeply want and need most. You’ll naturally feel “attractive/skinny” when you have the energy levels you need to support you, and the neurotransmitter support to feel happy, and when your gut health and hormones are working for you and not against you. You will feel like a rock star! But that comes from a place of balanced health. Not from the goal of strictly being skinny. Trust me, love, I’ve “yo-yo’d” enough in the past to finally come to terms with this and it’s saved me. You have enough experience now to know that way of life doesn’t work.
The way I help you get back to feeling like the rock star that you are is a tri-fold approach. I take an in-depth look at your current diet and lifestyle, and we begin by “crowding out” what may not be working/serving you with what will! Win/win choices that make you feel great now AND great tomorrow. I love the crowding out method because we’re built on habit. So we keep the basic habit structures in place and replace old patterns with newer behaviors that truly support you. I’m NOT for deprivation diets or causing you unnecessary stress. The changes are gentle. I believe in simplicity and daily, reasonable practices that add up over time. Like compound interest, we see tremendous results, and those results are far more sustainable (especially when we’re feeling so great!) than doing yet another intense fitness/dietary challenge that simply is not doable long-term. That causes the “yo-yo” effect where we dump the new routine and gain all the weight back. That I don’t wish for you, or anyone!
Now, I mentioned this is a tri-fold approach. While our diet and lifestyle choices are very important, probably THE most important element of the entire practice is the mental perspective. If we were to work together, we’d simultaneously bring your body back in balance AND give you mental healing techniques so that you start to love your body again, right now. The great news is you don’t have to wait to be happy and healthy. Your true happiness does not lie beyond in the “someday” mindset when you finally reach a goal weight. Trust me when I say that we save ourselves a lot of unnecessary suffering when we finally learn that truth, as cliché as it may sound. Happiness is your birthright, and you have access to it right here, right now.
When we bring the body and mind back in balance, a wonderful thing occurs. The final stage, and most rewarding: the spirit reawakens. Mainly by relieving the stress that’s been clouding your system on the mental/physical planes. Stress is another huge culprit when it comes to weight gain. Cortisol and adrenaline rush our system, we go into fight or flight mode, our blood sugar goes out of whack, and we “puff out”, holding onto unnecessary weight, simply because the body thinks it’s under attack. Energy that’s needed to digest and perform normal bodily functions is deemed unnecessary for survival. The good news is, most chronic stress is not life threatening. You’re safe and not under attack. In bringing your body back to parasympathetic mode, or “rest and digest” mode where it’s able to perform automatic bodily functions, we bring ourselves back to peace, back to a state of healthy balance, and back to love.
And you know what happens then?? Our bodies work for us naturally, as they were built to. You don’t have to tell your heart to beat. It knows what to do. We remind ourselves that this state of peace is ours for the taking, regardless of our outer circumstances. And our spirit comes out to play in miraculous ways when there’s room for it to flow. We feel “in the zone” at work, we communicate beautifully in our relationships, and we feel like we’re glowing from the inside out! Our creativity is on fire, we go on spontaneous adventures, and we simply love our lives and love ourselves.
So the goal wouldn’t simply be to make you “skinny”. It would be to grant you access to the incredible happiness and fulfillment you already possess, but that’s simply been clouded over. And I’m here to help you unlock that again. It’s far more empowering seeing my clients believe in themselves and trust their “gut” again, rather than seeking solace outside of themselves or saying “I’ll be happy when…”. You possess this powerful ability, and I’m here to help you become your own best friend and welcome it into your life.
Now, how does that sound for a new way of life?
Health coach Anne Markt works with Dr. Frank Lipman at Eleven Eleven Wellness Center.