“What things do I do that when I do them, you know I love you?”
If you want a little boost in one (or more) of your relationships, ask those you love this one very simple question.
The first thing you hear might sound something like, “Huh?”, but that’s probably because it is a rather different question than people are used to getting. You might even have to repeat yourself, but then, as the question sinks in, sooooo much follows.
What can you expect from asking this question?
- A deeper understanding about yourself, and the other person, and vice versa for them.
- Connection. The person you just laid that question upon will feel closer to you, and really cared for because you expressed your sincere curiosity and interest in them and their feelings.
- Ability to make more conscious choices about the things you do or say to make this person who you care about feel loved.
- A greater and deeper conversation, especially when the other person reciprocates by asking you the same question.
A personal experience
This magic question has opened up so much love, smiles, and warm hearts when I’ve guided others through this exercise. It works well for parents and their children; for friends; and for family members, in general. When modified (e.g., swapping “love” with “respect”), it has also moved relationships between co-workers, team mates, and even enemies forward.
My favorite story that stemmed from the asking this question happened when I was working with a rather non-expressive father and his son. When I asked the son, “What does Dad do, that when he does it, you know he loves you?”
The boy looked up at me, and then at his Dad in a sort of hopeful, somewhat tentative, but definitely a little excited way, and said, “You love me, Dad?” I barely held back my tears…but Dad didn’t.
It was beautiful.
Use this question with three people you love. How did it impact your life?